The San Francisco Chronicle has published its list of the five worst states to retire in, based on “taxes, crime, cost of living, weather and quality healthcare”—an eminently reasonable set of criteria.
The list of losers includes a couple of surprises, including Nevada (heat, crime) and California (earthquakes, taxes, crime), as well as less surprising states like Maryland and New Jersey. Rounding out the list is Alaska, which is dinged for weather, cost of living, crime and the way the sun disappears half of the year causing your soul to curl up and dry out like that last dead oak leaf hanging on the an otherwise bare tree limb in January.
First, a mild critique of the list: including crime rates seems like a good idea but they are much more local than, say, taxes. A state might have a couple of big high-crime cities, but have hundreds of very safe and quiet small towns. And our list would also take into account recreational opportunities. We’d like to have good weather…but it doesn’t mean much if you don’t have anything to do in it. A real loser state should have no bike trails, no wilderness, no scenic rivers, no skiing.
For this reason alone, we think California gets a second look. Lots to do there. And we might give Alaska a special immunity.
Second, while we like the little rush that comes from being unapologetically and openly negative, we’d also be curious to see their picks for the best places to retire.
In theory, a list like this sets up a slap-fight among states over who does a better job of satisfying its grumpiest residents. Which would be fun. And it could result in more attention being paid to retirees and their particular needs.
In practice, probably not. The posturing over who is better might happen, but it won’t lead to Alaska lowering it cost of living. Most of the list’s criteria actually apply to all citizens. If states could fix crime, they would—not for seniors but for all their people.
Detail from The Garden of Earthly Delights by Hieronymus Bosch (ca. 1450(1450)–1516) [Public domain], via Wikimedia Commons
