Age and water sports do not mix. Sure, you might see the occasional mat of oiled gray chest hairs on the beach. Or a lock of blue hair escaping from a swim cap at the deep end of a pool. But serious water sports—surfing, kayaking, diving—are too extreme for most older bodies.
And there’s the body issue. No one wants to parade the assaults of time through a world of sculpted abs.
This is the way it is meant to be. We don’t see any reason to change it, except that there is this interminable recession and someone needs to keep the water sports industry from sliding underwater. And let’s be frank, young person. You’re getting screwed. You’re not making enough money, and you want to start a family and buy a house. (?) You’re going to have trouble buying new water toys.
So we’re taking up the slack. The Wall Street Journal’s SmartMoney has a piece on how kayak and surfboard manufacturers have to come to realize that boomers have the resources and time to enjoy these things. Old people are one reason why sales of expensive stand-up paddleboards more than doubled from 2010 to 2011.
The head of the Trade Association of Paddlesports puts it bluntly: “The only people who have the money to get these things are those in the older demographic.” (That might be a bit sweeping, but it’s true that some olds have money. Also, a lot of olds are destitute, or about to be.)
Ditto for kayaks. Olds aren’t running rapids, but they are buying bigger, cushier fishing kayaks. “Outdoor stores sold more than $27 million worth last year, up roughly 50 percent compared with 2010, according to researchers Leisure Trends Group.” And jet-skis are now coming with lumbar support and cruise control.
So we’re in with both feet, kids. But don’t worry. This isn’t like your parents coming down to the rec room and never leaving. We’re only stepping in until you get your economic swagger back and start buying this great equipment. When that time comes, we will cede you the surf, the rapids, the briny deep. We only ask that you leave us a quiet stretch of beach (someplace free from your guitars and bongo drums) where we can present our thick, leathery bodies to the sun gods.
Oh, we might want to hold on to a bit of the briny deep. SmartMoney notes that today’s wet suits have stretchier fabrics to accommodate a well-earned paunch. So you might see us on the dive boat, OK? When we board, remember what we did for you during this dark time. Be cordial, and kindly do not stare.
Photo: Harry Houdini (1874-1926) swims river in scene from The Man from Beyond, released in 1922. Via Wikimedia Commons.
