Young people hate old people for many reasons, most of them justifiable. This time of year they hate us because there is no obvious gift for us. We have most of what we want. What we don’t have we can live without. If we are going to get something more, we very particular about what it is. We have obscure tastes and prejudices. And we don’t need any more crap lying around because it’ll be just one more thing to get rid of.
We are impossible to buy for.
Which is why the greatest gift an old person can bestow on a young person at Christmas is a list of items you would be pleased to receive. A short list, with four to seven items. It should be something more than helpful hints. It should have brand names and sizes and a suggestion about where they can buy it. Yes, it is cheating. You are giving them the gift of helping them cheat. They will love you for it.
As you craft your list, keep in mind that most of the items on it should feel like actual gifts. You can’t ask for a snow shovel or jumper cables or a printer cartridge. People want to feel like they’ve made you happy with their gift, and no matter how much you truly desire a new snow shovel, they won’t believe it will delight you. It will, of course, but they won’t believe it, so give it up. Buy that shovel now, with your own money.
Also, include gifts that range along the price-point spectrum. Something that costs very little, so they don’t panic, and something that costs slightly more than anyone expects to invest in a Christmas present. That means they’ll be able to pick something above the median but won’t have to drain the checking account to make you (theoretically) happy.
What goes on the list? That’s your hard work in this. Everything must be plausible. It must be something that you—or your gifter’s idealized version of you—would actually enjoy. Take this seriously because you must then use it sometime in the coming three months, otherwise it will be a source of disappointment for everyone. (Also, you will probably receive a variation of this gift for the next four or five years.) Beyond that, we can’t help you. We don’t know what you want, either. You are inscrutable.
As a starting point, consider this top 10 outdoor gear list from Trailspace. You already have most of this stuff and you know how to use it, so you’re reluctant to branch out…but you might be surprised how a new camp stove can lighten your load or improve your experience in some other way. Drop off the list anything you really couldn’t use. (Don’t ask for a new tent if you love the one you have, obviously.) Drop off the pack and the sleeping bag, because anything over $300 is too expensive unless your kid or niece runs a hedge fund.
There, you have a list with several items in the $20-$40 range (a titanium cup, a compass, a headlamp) and others in the $70-$110 range (water filter, camp stove, multi-tool). That was quick and painless, and you’ve done a good thing for all those who love you.
Image: The first screen appearance of Scrooge McDuck, from The Spirit of ’43, a 1943 propaganda film from the Walt Disney Company that encouraged American citizens to be thrifty and pay their taxes.
